On October 19th at 12:45

On October 19th at 12:45 pm a doctor walked into the ER and confirmed what Brandon and I already thought in our hearts. We had a miscarriage. We have never felt  heartache like that. We were on vacation, at the happiest place on earth. The place where dreams come true. Well, it wasn't as magical of a place I had dreamed of. We did our best to ensure our children were shielded from our pain and that they got to experience the "magic" that disney had to offer.

This child was going to be our last, our completed family/completed hearts. It was around December 2011 when my heart started to tug on me. I knew that feeling, it was one I had experienced a few times before.

PARTY OF FIVE, that is how we announced to our family (via email) and then waited for the calls to come in. We had first shared with the girls and video taped their reaction (what true joy that was). June 13, 2013 was their birthday. Before that date had come, before knowing if it was a girl or boy our baby left us and took a part of all our hearts with them. I am thankful for the joy of holding them in me for the short time and hope our future holds more of those joys.

Brandon and I decided to share our loss. Our little blog is our way of documenting our lives. We don't share everything on here, but this feels safe. We have so many friends and family that have gone through this loss that can relate. One things I have learned through this is you cannot measure the amount of attachment and love by the size of the body or length you have known someone. Love cannot be so easily quantified and measured. Love is love.

We are working on our pain, working on being grateful, working on being great parents and working on saying goodbye.