On October 19th at 12:45 pm a doctor
walked into the ER and confirmed what Brandon and I already thought in
our hearts. We had a miscarriage. We have never felt heartache like
that. We were on vacation, at the happiest place on earth. The place
where dreams come true. Well, it wasn't as magical of a place I had
dreamed of. We did our best to ensure our children were shielded from
our pain and that they got to experience the "magic" that disney had to
offer.
This
child was going to be our last, our completed family/completed hearts.
It was around December 2011 when my heart started to tug on me. I knew
that feeling, it was one I had experienced a few times before.
PARTY
OF FIVE, that is how we announced to our family (via email) and then
waited for the calls to come in. We had first shared with the girls and
video taped their reaction (what true joy that was). June 13, 2013 was
their birthday. Before that date had come, before knowing if it was a
girl or boy our baby left us and took a part of all our hearts with
them. I am thankful for the joy of holding them in me for the short time
and hope our future holds more of those joys.
Brandon
and I decided to share our loss. Our little blog is our way of
documenting our lives. We don't share everything on here, but this feels
safe. We have so many friends and family that have gone through this
loss that can relate. One things I have learned through this is you
cannot measure the amount of attachment and love by the size of the body
or length you have known someone. Love cannot be so easily quantified
and measured. Love is love.
We are working on our pain, working on being grateful, working on being great parents and working on saying goodbye.
